KING 'WANNABE

And His Minions

tRump, the demented and infantile American President, is in dangerous denial, unable to acknowledge reality, let alone deal with it. He abhors people of color and makes no bones about it. On especially unhinged afternoons, he’s seen on the White House lawn yelling,
“Fck this and fck that,”
offering masterclasses in vocabulary to our nation’s youth.

Melania’s seen scurrying after him screeching “Be best Donald!” “Be Best!”

Vice President J.D. Vance plays the loyal hick-turned-lapdog. He’s been spotted sprinting through the West Wing yelling,
“Yes Sir! Yes Sir! Three Bags Full, Sir!”
No word yet on what’s in the bags. While he’s not fond of people of color, he does tolerate his wife, so… progress?

Pete Hegseth, now cosplaying as our Secretary of Defense, was last seen yelling at reporters for daring to ask for the truth. After all, he never has, nor has he told the truth. Following the tantrum, he was spotted heading to Joe’s Bar for what we assume is a classified briefing involving beer nuts.

Kristi Noem, our shapeshifting Secretary of Homeland Security, rotates between DEA, ATF, and full-body tactical cosplay depending on the day and her Botox schedule. Between hair extension appointments, she’s busy barking orders and directing ICE agents like a mall cop on a power trip.

Tulsi Gabbard, once a Democrat and now Director of National Intelligence, has vanished. Her offense? Speaking the truth about Iran and nuclear weapons. Word is, she contradicted “the storyline” and poof, MIA.
Tulsi, if you're reading this, send a signal. I’ll send snacks.

Marco Rubio, aka “Little Marco,” now our Secretary of State, floats from country to country delivering empty words to “sh*thole nations” (Trump’s words, not mine). In Washington, he lurks behind Trump like a stagehand, ready to catch him in case gravity finally wins.

I could go on (and on and on), but let’s be honest: you need a break. So do I.

These aren't fictional characters.
They're real. They're ours. For another 3.5 years.

We CAN survive this.

We WILL survive this.

We MUST survive this.

Call to Action

Now’s the time to speak out, volunteer, write, vote, and remind your fellow Americans what sanity feels like.
2026 is coming. Start making noise now, or brace yourself later.